Funny place names

Just some funny place names I found whilst looking at maps. If you know of any more, leave a comment or tweet me.

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Bald Knob via @mrcraiglyons
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Via @BigAshleyKahuna
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Muff, Ireland. Home in f the famous Muff Diving Club
Via @joe1878_
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Bell End Farm via @LLCooolA
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Tattoos

Now, I like tattoos. I even have a couple myself and my girlfriend is heavily tattooed. I find the personal meaning behind some peoples tattoos often fascinating and insightful. Some have deep significance, some are funny and some are just great bits of art.

On the other hand there are some terrible tattoos out there. As the name suggests, @ShitTats on twitter finds some great examples of bad tattoos and is well worth a follow.

While looking at tattoos I was amazed at just how many people have cock ink. I’m not talking about a tattoo on the dick, I’m talking about tattoos of dicks. This blog post showcases the phenomenon of the penis tattoo.

No blog about nob tattoos would be complete without a nod to Isobel Varley. Isobel is from Yorkshire, England and is in the Guinness book of records as the most tattooed senior. She has over 200 tattoos covering 76% of her body. She will often appear on searches for penis tattoos due to the amount of cocks that are included in her ink.

Isobel Varley. I salute you.
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More penis tattoos. Some of these are brilliant, some are awful. I can’t verify if they are all genuine.

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Films – A Clockwork Orange

I am planning to write a semi regular blog looking at films which feature some sort of comedy cock. These will not include real penises or actors who are dicks.

First up is one of my favourite films A Clockwork Orange. There are a few phallic symbols in this film starting with Alex’s mask worn during a real horrorshow rape scene. There is no doubt that this mask represents a penis. This scene also contains a giant ceramic nob and balls which is used during the attack. A number of companies have reproduced this piece of penis art for sale.

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The cod pieces worn by Alex and his Droogs obviously draw attention to the crotch area

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We also have the scene in the fuzzy warbles shop where the two girls are provocatively eating lollies.

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Another phallic symbol that is easy to miss is the painting on the wall at the entrance to The Korova Milk Bar. Luckily for you I am an eagle eyed geek and I spotted it.

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Alex has an ornament in his bedroom of four naked, dancing Jesus type figures.

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Also in this image is the strategic placement of the pole coming out of the wall
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The mural on the wall of Alex’s flat block has classic cock graffiti all over it with cocks and yarbles crudely drawn in various places.

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The milk dispensers at the milk bar are clearly naked women lowering themselves onto dildos. Pull the nob and get some delicious moloko vellocet from her breast.

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Any suggestions for other films, let me know.


Newspaper Dicks

I’m not talking about journalists although many of them would fall into the category “newspaper dicks”

I’m talking about the age old past time of drawing cocks on newspapers.

I have no idea when they started but I’d like to imagine someone drawing a nob on The Oxford Gazette in 1665, even if there were no pictures to phallacise.

It’s been a hobby of mine since I was about 12 and I remember having competitions with friends at school to see who could do the funniest. It got us into less trouble than drawing them in school library books.

Recently, newspaper penis drawing seems to have had a bit of a renaissance. This is possibly thanks to the Facebook page “Drawing Dicks on the Herald Sun” which I think has since been removed. Although the documentary is still on there.
https://m.facebook.com/DrawingDicksOnTheHeraldSunTheDocumentary?refsrc=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.co.uk%2F&_rdr

This included quite spectacular work by JE Guthmann (see previous blog post). It did exactly what it said on the tin. People would draw dicks on the Herald Sun newspaper and submit them.

The pictures at the end of this post are some of my favourites found whilst roaming around the internet (as well as a few of my own). They are not all from the Herald Sun. Most put my efforts to shame artistically, but for me, a great newspaper nob is all about how the artist utilises the original picture.

I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

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Icelandic Phallological Museum 

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The Icelandic Phallological Museum in Reykjavik was founded in 1997 by retired teacher Sigurður Hjartarson. It has the world’s largest display of nobs, apart from any Premier league ground when a football match is on.

Sigurður’s interest in penises started when he was given a cattle whip made from a bulls dick as a child. Now I might be a bit weird but I much preferred Lego or action man when I was a kid.

It has 280 cocks and cock parts from 93 species of animals. These include 55 whale wangs and 36 seal schlongs. It even has a human one but it has gone all grey and shrivelled so they are looking for a better example.

Four men offered to donate their penis. One even wanted to donate it before he died. He is an American chap who has the stars and stripes tattooed on his walloper. The human penis on display belonged to a 95 year old Icelandic serial shagger but problems with removing it from the dead man’s body resulted in it looking the way it does. Sigurður says “It must be taken while the body is warm. Then bleed it and pump it up. If it cools you can’t do anything. I should have stretched it and sewn it at the back to keep it in more or less a normal position”

The museum attracts thousands of visitors a year, 60% of whom are female.

The shop sells phallic arts and crafts like knacker lampshades which certainly beats the jam and shortcake and other shite sold in UK museums.

The biggest member on display is a blue whale’s bellend which is 170 cm long and weighs nearly 11 stone! That’s just the helmet! The whole thing would be 5 metres and weigh about 60 stone.

The smallest item in the collection is the shaft bone of a hamster which is only 2 mm long. This is known as a Chegwin.

It also has 15 sculptured penises, made by Sigurður’s daughter and based on the Iceland handball team who won silver at the 2008 Olympics.

Has anyone been?

I plan on visiting Iceland soon. Not specifically to to go to the museum but it would be rude not to while I am there.

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Looking for a gift for your mum? How about a nice bollocksack lampshade?
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The greatest ever cock and balls artist

Based in Melbourne, Australia, Jonathan Edward Guthmann is without doubt in my mind the greatest penis artist there has ever been.

I first noticed him when browsing facebook and I stumbled across the page entitled “Drawing Dicks on The Herald Sun”

I must point out that he is more than just a phallus artist as his website shows. http://www.guthmann.com.au/

As they say, a picture paints a thousand words, so here is some of my favourite Guthmann work.

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The most popular comedy cocks tweeted to me

Hi all.

Welcome to my latest blog post.Just a quick one today, I had planned to blog about The Made Up History Of Penis Drawings but I didn’t have time, I am sure I will do that at some point. Instead, I have decided to share with you the most common comedy cock pictures I see on twitter.

So here goes.

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The famous cock bridge.

I think it might be Westminster bridge. The architect was obviously having a laugh. This often does the rounds on Twitter

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Dog Cock number 1.

This 1st came to my attention when Stephen Fry tweeted it about a year ago. It’s funny because it looks like a furry knob but it’s actually a dog. can you see it? Yeah of course you can bloody see it. If you have not seen this before you are probably doing twitter all wrong.

penis-dog (1)

Dog Cock number 2

Its another dog but this time rather than looking like a furry dick it has got markings on it’s back that looks a bit like a cock. Poor dog, it must be the most tweeted dog on the whole of twitter and I include Katie Price in that.

BPjWX7TCcAAmkAN

Fat Sweaty Bollock Back

I originally saw this tweeted by @ThePoke (that’s a great account by the way, and they follow me). The original I saw didn’t have the writing on the picture but it is funny with or without the writing.

dezeen_China-newspaper-headquarters-resembles-huge-penis_1a

This is The People’s Daily Newspaper building in Beijing

It is a 150 metre tall cock shaped building designed by architect Zhou Qi. He explained the design was inspired by the traditional Chinese philosophy of round sky and square earth. Bullshit… It’s a cock and there is no denying it.

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Blow Job

This is a washing up liquid bubble that is shaped like a bellend and part of a shaft. This has been on twitter in various forms for ages. I think its probably photoshopped but it’s still funny. I bet it made a splash when it popped.

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Weather man knob

Now I am no Michael Fish but even I know that Steamy Air from the south and Cooler Air from the north does not mean gigantic cock in the sky.

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Stoner smokes the length.

I struggle to blow smoke rings this girl can blow smoke knobs!

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 Here is a classic letter from Bic that has been doing the rounds. It’s probably made up but the thought of having a pen that only draws massive cocks is very funny. The letter is ended with a superb penis shaped signature

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 Twitter has gone mad with this picture. It seems that half of Twitter has tweeted this at some point this week, and quite rightly too, its a good picture and very topical. It was first sent to me by @RaRa_Rasputin

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This is far from a new picture, I certainly remember seeing it (and tweeting it) last year but it is certainly very popular at the moment. Its a palm tree that looks like a spunking cock… what’s not to like

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I think I first saw this via @ThePoke it is a firework from a display in Glasgow this year. There is also a You Tube video of it. It is a genius piece of timing

Finally the classic How To Draw A Penis – Art Attack spoof

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If anyone has any ideas about blog subjects I am always open to suggestions